I arrived at school feeling a little overwhelmed by the expectations on me as I lead the student nurse association, work, and begin what the other students tell me is the "hardest semester". Right now I sit at the coffee shop still in my high heels and coordinated outfit leftover from school. We welcomed the freshman, spoke to their class, and hosted the welcoming event.
I know that I'm in an amazing place and opportunity. My teachers encourage me to make plans for more school and getting a masters eventually. Thanks to my involvement I get to know the faculty and have to get into the community. But you know what...I'm not sure I want the suit, the position, and the graduate program. When I think of my rotations in the heart center and day surgery I don't find myself jumping with excitement. I want to go back and hang out in some slums, I want to do some home births, I want to have a family.
But for now I'm on this journey and know that its where I'm supposed to be. I'm sure in the future I'll have the hindsight that makes it worth it, but boy has it been hard to go back to school and balance work. Truth is often the grass is just greener cuz its on the other side of the fence.
Last night Mindy asked me a great question. She asked me if I was seeing this as "plan B". In reality, I think I had. In my minds eye I pictured me at this age either with an amazing ministry in the 3rd world or married...not in W. Texas back in school. But that doesn't mean that it's "plan B". This time is a great gift and yeah, most people get this out of the way earlier, but that doesn't mean its any less than an amazing journey.
Trying to study pharm...and o so bored with it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
oy...what a perspective...humm you can tell your friend mandy that she made me think. living life as plan b really hit a nerve for me
Maybe Mindy deserves royalties for her comments. =0)) Thankfully I get the friend discount.
Hi Mel...so, I forgot about your blog for a long time..and I just found it and was reading some of it..and what you said, or your friend said, really hit me. I have just returned to a second midwifery placement..and I am not enjoying it at all. I finished a placement in the spring and hated it...and I should have been done, but i ended it early, so now I have to do another one if I want to graduate and work as a midwife here..the trouble, i don't think I do want to work as a midwife here...i don't want this lifestyle, and I am finding it hard to stay motivated..and calm about it all..anyway, it was an interesting perspective..and I thought I would share that with you...
Bye!
Post a Comment